When Bastien committed suicide at the age of 24, his mother's life fell apart as if under the effect of " of a bomb“. Since then, she has struggled to reconnect with life and talk about a subject that is still taboo.
“What didn’t I see?” »
“ We are never prepared for the loss of a child, even if it is due to illness. But there, since it was he who took the action, there is a misunderstanding, why? What didn't I see? » confided to AFP Marie-Noelle Cullieret, two years after the loss of her only son. “ We had a nice relationship, we talked to each other. Why didn't I feel her distress as a mother? » continues this airline flight attendant, 57 years old, now on leave.
On a shelf in his apartment in Marseille (south of France), a photo of Bastien smiling, surrounded by candles and flowers. The student dreamed of being an airline pilot and was preparing for a competition known to be difficult. He had just failed an exam, “ he was under stress“. But neither Marie-Noelle nor Bastien's friends had imagined that this boy, described as " happy " And " who had a lover“, disappears like this.
Solitude
Every year, more than 700,000 people commit suicide worldwide, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). Among young people aged 15 to 29, suicide was the fourth cause of death in 2019, a decline since in 2015 it occupied second position. But with the confinements, the Covid pandemic “ affects adolescent mental health“, underlines the WHO.
For exemple, " in France, it is estimated that 1.6 million children and adolescents suffer from mental disorders“, noted last year the president of Unicef France, Adeline Hazan, and two child psychiatrists. “ But only 750,000 to 850,000 benefit from child psychiatry care.“. From South Africa to Finland via the United States and Guyana, among the most affected by youth suicide, thousands of parents everywhere see their lives impacted by the death of their child. The WHO calls them “ Survivors“.
“ It's such an earthquake that we have to rebuild everything from scratch", testify to AFP Fabrice and Helene de Carne, a Franco-Belgian couple in their fifties whose daughter Lou, a political science student, died by suicide in 2021. Often the parents find themselves very alone in the face of a death which is upsetting at home. them " the gigantic burden of guilt " And " the infernal question of why“, explains psychiatrist Christophe Faure during an intervention for the Empreintes association offering specialized help in France. With more risk of committing suicide themselves than in other cases of bereavement, he adds.
Taboo
“ When a child dies in the hospital, it's terrible, but the healthcare team surrounds you. I went to the police station, I collected Bastien's things and I went to get a coffin, there was no one to help me in my pain“, remembers Marie-Noelle Cullieret. Afterwards, " Sometimes our story reflects fears in other parents, who avoid us.“
Suicide remains a taboo subject, still criminalized in around twenty countries, decriminalized in Ireland only in 1993. Even in countries that have implemented a prevention strategy, the stigmatization of the past, often linked to religion, leaves its mark. In France, " too rare are the support offers“, particularly outside Paris, and “ few associations are trained in post-suicide mourning“, a long and delicate healing, also underlines Marie Tournigand, general delegate of Empreintes.
After the loss of Lou, Fabrice de Carne, a computer scientist, contacted his company's psychological help line. But psychologists, specialists in burn-out, were unable to help him. With Helene, they were eventually taken into the care of the Suicide Prevention Center in Brussels, where psychiatrists are trained to help devastated parents.
Repair
Close to collapse, Marie-Noelle Cullieret met Nathalie Paoli, founder of the association helping parents of deceased children Le Point Rose which organizes “ family days“. On its sunny terrace in Cabries, about twenty kilometers from Marseille, croissants and orange blossom biscuits are placed on a table with coffee and tea. It’s 10:00 a.m., parents from all over the south of France are arriving. They hug each other, some know each other, others don't, all have in common that they have lost a child.
A circle is formed and Nathalie Paoli, 55, who herself lost her eight-year-old daughter Carla-Marie, guides this discussion group: “ The first year, you have to accept that you don't master anything; often the second year is harder than the first because society is less understanding, people think that we lack courage if we don't get back on our feet.“
Tears sometimes appear, but a hand or a word comes to comfort. The rustling of the wind in the trees, the singing of the birds, the red hen frolicking in the grass with the cats, breathe sweetness into the silences. “ The pain is there, but so is life, here and now“, says Ms. Paoli who wants to have it re-proven “ very simple joys, enjoying the season, crafting, walking, making pancakes, a soil that will repair“.
Around a watercolor workshop, parents can verbalize their grief with people who are experiencing the same drama. Those around them often choose to remain silent, for fear of hurting people. “ But speaking is cathartic, so friends who approach the subject in a simple way help us“, says Fabrice de Carne. “ It's not scary to talk about the dead. We need to change culture“, pleads Marie-Noelle Cullieret, who recounts an evening with Bastien’s friends exchanging memories: “ It was funny and joyful. I said to myself 'that could also be mourning'.“
“ Talking about Lou is not rehashing the same memories, it is also talking about us, how we rebuild, how suicide prevention is at the heart of our lives from now on“, underlines Helene de Carne. With her husband, they guided friends to the emergency line in France (3114), so that their daughter with suicidal thoughts could be taken care of. Marie-Noelle Cullieret wants to raise awareness in high schools and universities: “ If I can prevent other young people from acting out like Bastien, it makes me want to get up in the morning.“
English 
French