The 4 activities that you will never see in a happy couple (and because they will also be avoided)

It's common for couples to be involved in more complicated times: they are diaries, the economic problems or the familiar ones and the routine You can take into account any relationship. Sin embargo, the difference in the relationships that survive in the restaurant is not the cause of conflict, otherwise the form in which it is elected violates these returns.

Psychologists John and Julie Gottman, based on my experience in partner dynamics, I identified the man “Los Cuatro Jinetes del Apocalipsis”: types of behavior that prevented the breakup. The couples that you should avoid are those who refuse your vinculo and maintain the most healthy relationships.

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1. Criticar en lugar de expression

Acusar con phrases such as “siemper haces esto” or “nunca haces aquello” only initiates the defense. In the face of guilt, couples that function well after their experience: “I feel bad when it happens” is more effective than reporting errors. Use the “yo” in place of the “you” to help shelter the dialog without confrontation.

2. Act defensively

If you respond to a criticism with excuses or counterattacks (“I don’t know what you’re doing!”), the fact is that in reality this has avoided the problem. It's clear that the conversation is moving forward. Escuchar with attention and curiosity, and having some preguntas to hear other things, can transform a discussion into an opportunity to learn.

3. Despise the other

Desprecio manifested itself in nonsense, sarcasm, gestures of superiority or language that humiliate. This is one of the most destructive activities within a relationship, one of Gottman's studies. Las parejas sanas, en cambio, cultivan el respeto mutuo, se agradecen et reconocen con frecuencia, y esvitán any quierma de valorización.

4. Close communication

When one of the backs calls, it goes into a discussion where it gets emotional, the connection breaks. This prolonged silence generates insecurity, a sense of abandonment and can deepen conflicts. The key is always present and available, even in difficult times. However, a brief explanation to calm down is useful, but you should always return the dialog.